Reflecting back on our friendship, I have since come to understand I didn’t just want to be like Mary, I wanted to be Mary. I betrayed her friendship for something as insignificant as sex, because in a twisted way I thought it made me more like her.
I don’t want to say losing my virginity wasn’t a big deal, but the sex aspect isn’t what makes me cringe. It’s the manner in which it came about, and that I should’ve known better. I did know better.
I only recently told one of my friends. For the first time I actually uttered the words “I lost my virginity to my best-friend’s boyfriend.” I was incredibly relieved to finally be able to own up to my past. Astonishingly, my friend replied, “I did too.” I don’t think it makes us bad people. Adolescence is wrought with challenges and hard decisions and bad decisions, and we learn from them.